I was reading in Philippians 2 this morning, and Paul was telling about his friend Epaphrodutus’ close encounter with death. Paul said (2:27), “For indeed he was sick to the point of death, but God had mercy on him, and not on him only but also on me, so that I would not have sorrow upon sorrow.”
As the words “sorrow upon sorrow” appeared before my eyes, I immediately felt connected to Paul’s emotions and feelings. I too know about sorrow upon sorrow – especially in recent years when I lost my son and my mother back to back. Then just a few months ago, I sat by my Dad in a hospital bed for many days – grief stricken, thinking “Dear God, can I bear another round of such grief right now? Your will be done.”
I just visited my Dad in Texas a few days ago, and God did indeed have mercy upon me as he spared me from the sorrow of another loss. My Dad’s recovery is finally skyrocketing, and I am so thankful.
The area in which I feel most vulnerable to loss is in regards to our adoption. Our little boy is 14 months old and is in Asia. I likely have the same fears as those who are facing subsequent pregnancies after miscarriage or stillbirth. I know God is bigger than any loss I face, yet I stand before Him pleading “Please have mercy on me! Please bring this child safely into our home!”
As I was considering sorrow upon sorrow this morning during my prayer time, I am keenly aware that sorrow will exist again in my lifetime. When it does happen, it doesn’t mean that God is somehow against me and that His mercy does not exist. My fear of loss keeps me at the foot of the cross; I know that I personally cannot handle such intense grief – my heart was not made for it. But I do know that through Him, Christ Jesus, I will not only survive but thrive through it all.
I must daily choose to not allow grief to be my idol. If I allow grief – or my fear of loss – to dictate my thoughts, my actions, my everything, then I am serving “grief” rather than God himself. Grief will not overcome me – ever. Praise God for His “mercy upon mercy” that will far outreach any grief that I will ever face.