During my time together with a small group of friends, our discussion landed on forgiveness… or lack thereof. Each of us (including me) had a story of unforgiveness – the way it stirs our hearts and minds. Some of our stories included people still in our lives, others will never see the “offender” again – yet each story stirred an amazing amount of emotion in each of us.
God taught me to forgive my abuser almost 10 years ago. There are times when something triggers a pain from the past and I have to go through the process all over again. After forgiving this person, it seems like I could forgive anything, yet I still struggle with it at times. So as we discussed our unforgiveness this week, I was really pondering the “how to’s” of forgiveness.
Anger and Bitterness
Psalm 35 is filled will David asking God to destroy his enemies, those who mock him, those slander him.
Reminder of God’s Faithfulness
It is in chapter 36 that David’s heart starts to soften. As he gives praises to God, he is reminded of His faithfulness and might.
And toward the end, David’s heart is humbled and he seeks the Lord for his own personal molding and shaping rather than just destruction for his enemy.
Trusting God’s Plans for Himself and His Enemies
David came to the conclusion in Chapter 37 that because God is faithful, He would do what is just and right for him and for his enemies.
During my years in the recovery ministry, I have heard countless people say, “It’s impossible for me to forgive,” and then I agree with them. It is impossible to forgive – but it is not impossible for God. Chapter 37 entails such an important detail in our forgiveness process.
Forgiveness IS NOT about pardoning, forgetting, condoning, dismissing, trusting or even reconciling with the one who hurt us or someone we love.
Forgiveness IS instead resting in and believing that God will be faithful in how He deals with our hearts and lives as well as how He will deal with those who have sinned again us.
- I don’t have to trust my abuser, but I can trust God.
- Even if the person I am unforgiving towards doesn’t receive the “poke in the eye” like I want them to, I must choose to believe that God will deal with them as He knows is best.
- And when I believe that God should be fair, then I must choose to ask myself, “If He is fair, then do I really want what is fair for me or would I rather choose His grace?”
There is not a “4 step plan” to forgiveness; it is not always easy, and, frankly, we often don’t want to forgive (I remember telling a friend one time, “I know forgiveness is possible, but I don’t want to forgive – I want to be angry! This person doesn’t deserve my forgiveness.”). But here is the thing, as we choose not to forgive, it is one more wall between us and the joy that the Heavenly Father has set aside for us. To not forgive is the equivalent of eating rat poison and waiting for the other person to die. They are not destroyed by our anger or unforgiveness – we are.
- To whom is your unforgiveness affecting?
- Which part of David’s “forgiveness” journey do you relate with the most?
- How can I pray for you?
