Saying goodbye to my dad falls within the natural order of things, and the ordinariness of losing a parent somehow led me to believe that my grief would be less invasive than when I said goodbye to a son. This is called denial, and it hasn’t been helpful.
The grief is different than my prior loss, but it is still invasive, painful and life changing nonetheless. In the moment, life changing doesn’t seem so great. I want to be the old me – the me whose creativity flows freely, can think on my toes and be a multi-tasker. I like the me that can be hungry for learning and reading, and can enjoy talking to others. I definitely want the me back that can remember basic words that seem to elude me now, words such as “shoes” or my friend’s name.
I expected myself to grieve deeply when Elliot died, therefore, I leaned hard into the Word and prayer because it seemed impossible to survive, breathe or receive any comfort without the help of God. Denial of my grief robs me of this comfort because it lures me into “business as usual” regarding my relationship with God. I read the bible and pray, but I have not had an increased thirst for Him… why would I? Everything is “fine”, and this loss is ordinary and common, so I can handle it myself, right?
Anna is a woman in the bible who’s entire life is summed up in three short verses. Anna, a prophetess, had her life completely curtailed when her husband of only 7 years passed away. Luke 2:37 refers to the remaining years of her life, “She never left the temple, serving night and day with fastings and prayers.”
Anna very likely had hopes and dreams prior to her husband’s death that included something other than staying at the temple night and day. I’m tempted to say, “Oh, poor Anna… how pathetic of a life”, but verse 38 squashes my temptation:
“At the very moment [when baby Jesus was presented at the temple by His parents and blessed by Simeon], [Anna] came up and began giving thanks to God, and continued to speak of Him to all those who were looking for the redemption of Jerusalem.”
There’s really no way to know what the early days of Anna’s grief was like, but the outcome of her response is certainly clear. She allowed grief to change her actions, perspective and understanding. Because of that, Anna recognized Jesus for who He was, and then she was available and willing to share that incredible news with others.
Despite how ordinary of an experience saying goodbye to a parent is, I am deeply grieved and cannot do it on my own, nor do I want to. Leaning heavy into prayer and His Word will allow my grief fog to be temporary, and my change in perspective and understanding to be lasting and potentially eternally impactful.
- In what ways has grief/loss been affecting you?
- What is your response to the changes grief creates in you?
- What do you hope the end result will be from the changes grief creates in you?
Father, don’t let this circumstance pass me by without it changing my actions, perspective and understanding in a way that will bring honor and glory to You and joy into my personal life. You are my comforter and my rock. Thank You for carrying me through my grief. Amen.