During the first year of my grief I did not blog, but I did have a group of friends that I would send emails to in order to share my thoughts and feelings. The entry below is something I shared at this time last year – 5 months after Elliot died.
“A few weeks ago at church we were learning together about grieving (go figure), so towards the end of the sermon I moved to the back of the church to sit next to my girlfriend who is a widow and is around my age. I didn’t want her to sit alone. As I sat in the back, I looked across the room and noticed something… it was a room full of the walking wounded. Their sat my two friends that through the course of their lives they have experienced many pains – unable to have children, addiction, chronic illness, etc. Another friend who has recently lost her adult son. There sat the young lady whose parents are going through a nasty divorce. There was the couple who gave up their dream to be missionaries in Italy to care for his brother who was in a car wreck and may never recover. The walking wounded… they are not just in my church… it is my co-worker who is spending time with his mother that was recently diagnosed with cancer and only given months to live, and there are so many others.”
If it stops there, it is pretty depressing, isn’t it? But as I thought about these walking wounded individuals and families, it didn’t stop there. As I saw the couple who was never able to have children, I thought about how he was the volunteer of the year at the local elementary school a few years ago, and how they have adopted our family as their own – they so love us and our children. My friend who is a widow is a strong woman of God investing her soul into her children and the poor people in our community as she serves weekly at a food pantry. The woman who lost her son has reached out to one of her customers at her job who also recently lost an adult son, and she is loving on and investing in this woman (who has now been coming to church with her). The couple that gave up their missionary position in Italy… they are still missionaries – here in Tulsa, OK – they give their everything, everyday. I see the fruits of their work everywhere I go. I could go on and on with the stories.
These people are not doing all these things because they are so strong or better than everyone else. They are doing these things as a result of the strength and grace they have found in Jesus Christ. In the midst of their pain and suffering, they found a humility that landed them at the foot of the cross. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek for they will inherit the earth. Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven. In their pain – they have been blessed, and they have turned the blessing outward. I am so thankful for all of these walking wounded individuals, as they inspire me and encourage me to continue looking around for the blessings in the midst of my grief. And it is happening; I am blessed beyond all I can imagine.
Thank you to all the walking wounded in my life for using God to thrive rather than just survive – you are an inspiration and a reminder to those around you.