To have an anguish so deep, I must be his Mom.
He is not here; I never heard his cry.
I never changed his diaper, and I never picked up his toys.
I never had to discipline him or come up with creative ways to get him to stop sucking his thumb.
I never cleaned up his spilled milk or checked his temperature.
Yet, I love him so deeply.
I don’t get to snuggle him to sleep or tickle him.
I don’t get to listen to him sing or watch him eat his birthday cake.
I don’t dance with him, and I don’t get to hear him call me “Mommy”.
Yet, I love him so deeply.
I will never watch him go to his first day of Kindergarten or graduate High School or College.
I will never watch him wait at the end of an aisle for his bride.
I will never see him parent his own children that I can spoil and send back home.
Yet, I will always love him deeply.
I will accept all the pain of the “I nevers”, “I don’ts” and the “I will nevers” because to hurt this much means I love so much and God has given me the gift of having a Mother’s heart – what a beautiful gift to have the capability to love so much.
Thank You, Father, for giving the gift of a Mother’s heart so that I can love so deeply. Oh how I miss sweet Livvy and Elliot, and how I long for HC to be a part of our home. Oh how thankful I am for the sweetest little boy, Reese, that I do get to hear call me Mommy – that is growing so fast. I pray for wisdom and grace while I parent, Lord, and may I never be a hindrance in my children knowing You!
I pray for all the Mothers out there, as Mother’s Day quickly approaches. This is a beautiful day of celebration, but for many it is a reminder of the longing they have for the children they’ve never had or lost. May they be comforted during this time.
