Devotional: Applying the Bible to my today.
Read: 1 John 1:9, James 1:26
I have been wrestling a lot lately because my tongue is wretched toward others at times. At work, I lack patience and I expect more of others than I should; toward my husband I respond defensively to innocent questions and gestures, and, sadly, toward God I sometimes resound with preemptive anger and fears about things that haven’t happened but they could.
As I have been reflecting and praying about the impact of “my tongue” the last few weeks, I have gained insight as to the root of my responses. Now the hard part – changing.
The Root
Work – Since I am no longer a full-time, hard-core employee, I find myself desiring to conquer the workplace world, but I can no longer do that just being behind the scenes working part-time. Because I have been putting some of my own personal value on what I accomplish at work, I have been feeling worthless, and I am taking it out on my co-workers.
My Husband – Not only am I not a full-time employee, I am also not a full-time homemaker – though I expect myself to accomplish the things that a full-time homemaker accomplishes. Because I have been putting some of my own personal value on what I accomplish in the home, I have been feeling worthless. So when Ron asks a simple question, “what did you do today?”, I catch myself panicking thinking “he thinks I didn’t do enough, and I did the best I can!” (BTW, when my husband asks the question, he is being kind and wanting to know more about my day.)
God – This is a hard one for me to admit. Not long ago, I was relatively “late”, which made us think I might be pregnant. This was SCARY for me because our adoption “decree” states that we cannot get pregnant during the adoption process; so if I were pregnant, we would have likely not have gotten to adopt HC. I could have answered the “are we pregnant?” question with a simple pregnancy test, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it because I knew I needed to get my heart right with God first. We wrestled for days, but on a Saturday night I finally submitted to Him and made a commitment to trust Him. I promised Him, “I will consider it all joy if I encounter this trial, knowing that it will produce endurance that will have a perfect result, so that I may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing” (taken from James 1:2-4). This absolutely brought me some peace and contentment for the days ahead…. BTW, I am not pregnant.
The Change
So, in keeping with the Biblical principles I have learned through Celebrate Recovery, I have completed steps 1-7 with this issue in my life (Step 4 verse: “Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord. Lamentations 3:40” and Step 7 verse: “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9” ). But I can’t stop there – now I have some amends to make, and I have to address my fears and lack of self-worth so that I don’t just continue to find other unhealthy ways of coping.
So here I go on another season of being remolded and shaped. Change is hard, but I always look forward to the result of it all. Since I’ve been intentional about this, things have already gotten better. I feel more at peace and I am more approachable by others.
- How do you most often use your words? For building others up or tearing them down? What is the result?
- Where are you finding your identity and self-worth today?
- Have you experienced 1 John 1:9 in your life? Did it change anything? Did it grow your trust in Him, or did you walk away disappointed?
