Does 2013 have to go?

Last night I went to a beautiful event sponsored by M.E.N.D – an organization committed to helping families grieve their children that were lost due to miscarriage, stillbirth, or shortly after birth.  This was the 2nd annual candlelight event – where we take just an hour out of the busy Christmas holiday to commemorate our babies in Heaven.

This December is strange for me.  Next week will be two years since we held Elliot for the last time.  Passing from 2013 to 2014 somehow makes him seem further away.  I can’t go back to that time.  The vast majority of the memories are still fresh, but some things are starting to fade. The passing from 2013 to 2014 puts me further away from the last time I heard my mother’s voice, her hugs, all of those things.  I will never get these moments back until we meet in Heaven, but sometimes Heaven feels so far away.

This year I am less focused on my grief than last year.  Though I will never forget my little guy (or my Mom), I assume that as I continue to heal, each Christmas I will be less and less focused on him and my grief.  Sometimes the lack of focus on him creates (unnecessary) guilt within me… “what type of Mom could just go on without her son?”… A Godly Mom that has been given strength from the Lord – that’s the type.

This is my struggle with moving into 2014 – My loved ones in Heaven, especially my son, seem so far away.
But I can’t and won’t stay here.  This is not where God intended for me to stay.  When I compare 2012 to 2013 – I can see how much we’ve grown.  This year has been a year of amazing blessing and growth.
  • Ron and I celebrated 10 years of an amazing marriage!
  • My Dad survived a very severe case of the West Nile Virus.
  • Ron’s Mom has been diagnosed with cancer again, but they believe they caught it very early.
  • Ron and I were able to facilitate and Art of Marriage class for many couples.
  • We (together and independently) shared the story of God’s promises and healing regarding our grief to a variety of churches and groups – speaking in total to about 350-400 people.
  • Watching our son Reese grow and mature is one of the greatest blessings of our lives.
  • We got to baptize two of our friends.  Wow.
  • We have continued to work in the ministry of Celebrate Recovery – something I thought I wasn’t capable of doing a year ago.  I am so thankful to still be a part of all that God is doing through this ministry.
God is not finished with us yet.  Though I hate to leave 2013, I look forward to the days ahead.  One day closer to bringing HC into our family through adoption, one day further into all the adventures and opportunities that God has set forth for us.
Watch out 2014!  
Here comes the Wood family – full strength ahead.